This essay was found in Feb 2015, tucked among some old photos, decades after it was written. It’s about a wonderful woman, mother, and my best friend; my wife, Myrna Jacobs. We still love each other as much or more than we did when this was written.
TO BE LOVED
We all have an overwhelming desire to be needed – to be wanted – appreciated – to be loved. In order to fulfill this desire we must first be willing to give love ourselves. We must know what it is that we can love. We must be satisfied with the love we hold for ourselves before we can determine what qualities we could love in another.
This love cannot be given out loosely, without reflection – indeed, love is give only after careful deliberation. It necessitates, that is, forms obligations by which sacrifices must be made. For me to love, she must be deserving of that love. She deserves it if she is so like me in important ways that I can see myself in her, and if she is more perfect, that I can love the ideal of my own self in her.
We can see that this love for one self cannot be an inward selfish kind that only takes – but must rather be an outpouring, unselfish kind that recognizes and expresses the best that is in us. When you discover your love in your being don’t be afraid to reveal it. You have uncovered one of the basic principles of happiness. But this is only one of many that are needed to be really happy.
When you discover this love in another – and she in you – then you have begun to uncover the true secrets of happiness. This mutual warmth, affection, admiration, enthusiasm, respect, love, is found only seldom. Cherish it as yourself. – Daniel Jacobs