I always enjoy Lori Borgman’s work and this essay is no exception.  It perfectly describes my marital relationship except in reverse.  I’m the one who finds “relaxation” tedious.  Always looking for something to do.  It’s an affliction I’m cursed with it seems.  I live with it. – daniel w. jacobs

Lori Borgman

Relaxation is hard work
Lori Borgman | Monday, Aug 24, 2009

The way the husband is forever telling me to pace myself, you’d think I was a race horse.

I fold laundry with lightning speed and he says to pace myself. I paint a room and he says to pace myself. I throw dinner on the table in 15 minutes and he says to pace myself.

The man tells me to pace myself one more time and I’m going to hang a wreath around my neck and claim the Triple Crown.

He claims I collapse at the end of the day because I get out of bed too early in the morning and move too fast.

“No,” I explain, “I collapse at the end of the day because it is the end of the day.”

We both have high energy windows, they just happen to be at opposite times. I’m on full alert in the morning, he comes to life at night.

It could be the secret to a long marriage. When you have different sleep and wake cycles, you have less time to argue.

We recently took our first ever extended trip without any of the kids with the sole purpose of relaxing.

The plan was to sit and watch the waves. The plan was to chill and do nothing. The plan was to lounge.

On the first day we sat around a lot. We ate out. We read. We watched a movie then we sat around some more.

On the second day we did it all over again.

“Are you enjoying relaxing?” the husband asked.

“All except for the part where I feel like I’m in the hospital,” I said. “This is what sick people do — sit, read and sleep.”

I expected a doctor to phone with test results and a nurse to appear with ice water at 5 a.m.

After two days of relaxing and five more to go, I began carving hatch marks on the kitchen wall above the sink.

On the third day, we sat some more, watched the waves, ate out and sat some more.

“Isn’t this relaxing?” he asked.

“I guess so,” I said. “Although some people might find it boring.”

On the fourth day, I ripped one of his white T-shirts in half and waved it on a broomstick out the front door of our vacation rental.

On the fifth day, I was so relaxed I was ready to jump out of my skin.

Every fall I love reading essays by people who wax poetic about the melancholy they experience as they close up their summer cottages and return to the city. But now I’m wondering what it is they do all summer.

Nobody could keep up this relaxing business day after day. I think people who go away for the summer actually just play house in a different location. They market, cook, fix broken things, answer e-mail, pay bills and worry about their kids. But because they do it at a different address, it is somehow considered relaxing.

It would be a lot less work to rent a post office box.

I’m not good at relaxing. I’m also not good at pacing myself.

For those of you who have the stamina to relax — best wishes. All I can say is I tried relaxing and it nearly killed me.

Copyright © 1999-2009 Lori Borgman

Join Lori’s weekly email list by sending an e-mail to  list-request@loriborgman.com with the word subscribe in the subject line of the email.

Remember Lee Iacocca, the man who rescued Chrysler Corporation from its death throes?

He’s now 82 years old and has published a new book,
‘Where Have All The Leaders Gone?’.

Lee Iacocca Starts his book:

‘Am I the only guy in this country who’s fed up with what’s happening? Where the hell is our outrage? We should be screaming bloody murder! We’ve got a gang of clueless bozos steering our ship of state right over a cliff, we’ve got corporate gangsters stealing us blind, and we can’t even clean up after a hurricane much less build a hybrid car. But instead of getting mad, everyone sits around and nods their heads when the politicians say, ‘Stay the course.’

Stay the course? You’ve got to be kidding. This is America, not the damned, ‘Titanic’. I’ll give you a sound bite: ‘Throw all the bums out!’

You might think I’m getting senile, that I’ve gone off my rocker, and maybe I have.. But someone has to speak up. I hardly recognize this country anymore.

The most famous business leaders are not the innovators but the guys in handcuffs. While we’re fiddling in Iraq , the Middle East is burning and nobody seems to know what to do. And the press is waving ‘pom-poms’ instead of asking hard questions.. That’s not the promise of the ‘America’ my parents and yours traveled across the ocean for. I’ve had enough. How about you?

I’ll go a step further. You can’t call yourself a patriot if you’re not outraged. This is a fight I’m ready and willing to have. The Biggest ‘C’ is Crisis! (Iacocca elaborates on nine C’s of leadership, with crisis being the first.)

Leaders are made, not born. Leadership is forged in times of crisis. It’s easy to sit there with your feet up on the desk and talk theory. Or send someone else’s kids off to war when you’ve never seen a battlefield yourself. It’s another thing to lead when your world comes tumbling down.

On September 11, 2001, we needed a strong leader more than any other time in our history. We needed a steady hand to guide us out of the ashes. A hell of a mess, so here’s where we stand.

We’re immersed in a bloody war with no plan for winning and no plan for leaving.

We’re running the biggest deficit in the history of the country.

We’re losing the manufacturing edge to Asia, while our once-great companies are getting slaughtered by health care costs.

Gas prices are skyrocketing, and nobody in power has a coherent energy policy. Our schools are in trouble.

Our borders are like sieves.

The middle class is being squeezed every which way.

These are times that cry out for leadership.

But when you look around, you’ve got to ask: ‘Where have all the leaders gone?’ Where are the curious, creative communicators? Where are the people of character, courage, conviction, omnipotence, and common sense? I may be a sucker for alliteration, but I think you get the point.

Name me a leader who has a better idea for homeland security than making us take off our shoes in airports and throw away our shampoo?

We’ve spent billions of dollars building a huge new bureaucracy, and all we know how to do is react to things that have already happened.

Name me one leader who emerged from the crisis of Hurricane Katrina. Congress has yet to spend a single day evaluating the response to the hurricane or demanding accountability for the decisions that were made in the crucial hours after the storm.

Everyone’s hunkering down, fingers crossed, hoping it doesn’t happen again. Now, that’s just crazy. Storms happen. Deal with it. Make a plan. Figure out what you’re going to do the next time.

Name me an industry leader who is thinking creatively about how we can restore our competitive edge in manufacturing. Who would have believed that there could ever be a time when ‘The Big Three’ referred to Japanese car companies? How did this happen, and more important, what are we going to do about it?

Name me a government leader who can articulate a plan for paying down the debit, or solving the energy crisis, or managing the health care problem. The silence is deafening. But these are the crises that are eating away at our country and milking the middle class dry.

I have news for the gang in Congress. We didn’t elect you to sit on your asses and do nothing and remain silent while our democracy is being hijacked and our greatness is being replaced with mediocrity. What is everybody so afraid of? That some bonehead on Fox News will call them a name? Give me a break. Why don’t you guys show some spine for a change?

Had Enough? Hey, I’m not trying to be the voice of gloom and doom here. I’m trying to light a fire.. I’m speaking out because I have hope – I believe in America. In my lifetime, I’ve had the privilege of living through some of America’s greatest moments. I’ve also experienced some of our worst crises: The ‘Great Depression,’ ‘World War II,’ the ‘Korean War,’ the ‘Kennedy Assassination,’ the ‘Vietnam War,’ the 1970’s oil crisis, and the struggles of recent years culminating with 9/11.

If I’ve learned one thing, it’s this: ‘You don’t get anywhere by standing on the sidelines waiting for somebody else to take action. Whether it’s building a better car or building a better future for our children, we all have a role to play. That’s the challenge I’m raising in this book. It’s a “Call to Action” for people who, like me, believe in America’. It’s not too late, but it’s getting pretty close. So let’s shake off the crap and go to work. Let’s tell ‘em all we’ve had ‘enough.’

Make your own contribution by sending this to everyone you know and care about. It’s our country, folks, and it’s our future. Our future is at stake!!

1.  Your sound is your identity – sound like yourself.
2.  Get the most out of every note you play – it will touch someone.
3.  Play what you hear and feel in the present moment – not the past or the future.
4.  Love what you play and play what you love – someone else will love it too.
5.  The audience is part of the performance – let them contribute.
6.  Music can enrich the musician and the audience alike – reminding both that they are alive.
7.  Make it fun!

daniel w. jacobs
© 2009-2020, all rights reserved

FORWARD:  I found this online someplace and just had to post it.  As a jazz trumpeter myself I can attest to the wisdom in Yogi’s words.  Of course, he says it better than most ever could.  Enjoy.  – daniel w. jacobs

Interviewer: What do you expect is in store for the future of jazz trumpet?

Yogi Berra

Yogi: I’m thinkin’ there’ll be a group of guys who’ve never met talkin’ about it all the time…

Interviewer: Can you explain jazz?

Yogi: I can’t, but I will. 90% of all jazz is half improvisation. The other half is the part people play while others are playing something they never played with anyone who played that part. So if you play the wrong part, its right. If you play the right part, it might be right if you play it wrong enough. But if you play it too right, it’s wrong.

Interviewer: I don’t understand.

Yogi: Anyone who understands jazz knows that you can’t understand it. It’s too complicated. That’s whats so simple about it.

Interviewer: Do you understand it?

Yogi: No. That’s why I can explain it. If I understood it, I wouldnt know anything about it.

Interviewer: Are there any great jazz players alive today?

Yogi: No. All the great jazz players alive today are dead. Except for the ones that are still alive. But so many of them are dead, that the ones that are still alive are dying to be like the ones that are dead. Some would kill for it.

Interviewer: What is syncopation?

Yogi: That’s when the note that you should hear now happens either before or after you hear it. In jazz, you don’t hear notes when they happen because that would be some other type of music. Other types of music can be jazz, but only if they’re the same as something different from those other kinds.

Interviewer: Now I really don’t understand.

Yogi: I haven’t taught you enough for you to not understand jazz that well.

Here’s a musical anecdote that illustrates a great concept of turning adversity into advantage.

I was performing on trumpet at a concert in a performing arts center with the Truth In Jazz Orchestra, a 16 piece big band jazz orchestra.

While playing of the tunes I was featured on, “Nadalin” my second valve stuck down completely during the first phrase of the tune.    I kept playing but had to pull the valve cap up while continuing to play at the same time.  But, it just will not loosen up.  It continues sticking at least every other note.  I’m now trying to play a solo without using  this valve at the same time, eliminating at least half of the notes I can play.

The crowd (a full house) is now getting the idea that there is something very wrong, as every chance I get, I’m literally pulling the offending valve stem back up each time I play a note that requires it.  Then I glance over to my stage right and one of the other trumpeters is standing there attempting to stay out of view of the audience while trying to hand me another horn.

Between notes, I grabbed the other horn, switched the mouthpiece to the new horn and continued with the tune without missing a beat.

I admit of a brief moment of fear wondering if I had jumped from the frying pan to the fire as it’s adventurous indeed to pick up another horn in the middle of a challenging performance!

Happily, the horn worked perfectly and I dove into the next solo section with renewed intensity. This brought the house down as  prompting me to kick it into high gear for the rest of the solo and the big cadenza at the end, finishing on a high F#.

The audience loved it, giving me a standing ovation!  After the concert people were coming up saying it was so thrilling, they got chills up their spine and enjoyed it more than anything they’ve heard or seen and that they they would never forget it!

Now that’s turning adversity into advantage, and one way to get them to remember my performance . . . I’m even thinking of adding it as a regular part of the show!

daniel w. jacobs
(c) 2007-2020, all rights reserved

FORWARD:  Sometimes something appears in my universe that is particularly relevant to my life at that time.  This is one of those quotes.  I had to post it and pass it along to those who may not have seen it before.  It is something that any artist should be reminded of.
- daniel w. jacobs

LIFE FORCE AS AN ARTIST

There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique.  And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost. The world will not have it.

It is not your business to determine how good it is, nor how valuable it is, nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly; to keep the channel open.  You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate YOU.  Keep the channel open . . .

No artist is pleased . . . there is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction; a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.

-    Martha Graham – American Dancer, Teacher and Choreographer of modern dance, 1894-1991 – in a letter to Agnes DeMille

Lori Borgman

FORWARD: Lori Borgman is the true author of the essay, “The Death of Common Sense.”  She is a national treasure; in my mind a present-day Will Rogers with a female perspective.  She is also a syndicated columnist and successful author of several books.

This writing is often incorrectly attributed to either Anonymous or Author Unknown in various altered forms on the internet to which Lori replies that she has been called many things as a writer, but to be called Anonymous hurts most of all.  I love her writing, infused with a fresh, delightfully wholesome combination of wisdom and wit.

From her website she has said the following.  “There seems to be a resurgence of interest in my piece, “The Death of Common Sense”.  Here is the original version as it was printed Sunday, March 15, 1988.”   It is presented here – with her permission – for your edification, enjoyment and enlightenment. – daniel w. jacobs

The Death Of Common Sense

Three yards of black fabric enshroud my computer terminal. I am mourning the passing of an old friend by the name of Common Sense. His obituary reads as follows: Common Sense, aka C.S., lived a long life, but died from heart failure at the brink of the millennium. No one really knows how old he was, his birth records were long ago entangled in miles and miles of bureaucratic red tape. Known affectionately to close friends as Horse Sense and Sound Thinking, he selflessly devoted himself to a life of service in homes, schools, hospitals and offices, helping folks get jobs done without a lot of fanfare, whooping and hollering.

Rules and regulations and petty, frivolous lawsuits held no power over C.S. A most reliable sage, he was credited with cultivating the ability to know when to come in out of the rain, the discovery that the early bird gets the worm and how to take the bitter with the sweet.

C.S. also developed sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the adult is in charge, not the kid) and prudent dietary plans (offset eggs and bacon with a little fiber and orange juice).

A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, the Technological Revolution and the Smoking Crusades, C.S. survived sundry cultural and educational trends including disco, the men’s movement, body piercing, whole language and new math. C.S.’s health began declining in the late 1960s when he became infected with the If-It-Feels-Good, Do-It virus.

In the following decades, his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of overbearing federal and state rules and regulations and an oppressive tax code. C.S. was sapped of strength and the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, criminals received better treatment than victims and judges stuck their noses in everything from Boy Scouts to professional baseball and golf.

His deterioration accelerated as schools implemented zero-tolerance policies. Reports of 6-year-old boys charged with sexual harassment for kissing classmates, a teen suspended for taking a swig of Scope mouthwash after lunch, girls suspended for possessing Midol and an honor student expelled for having a table knife in her school lunch were more than his heart could endure.

As the end neared, doctors say C.S. drifted in and out of logic but was kept informed of developments regarding regulations on low-flow toilets and mandatory air bags. Finally, upon hearing about a government plan to ban inhalers from 14 million asthmatics due to a trace of a pollutant that may be harmful to the environment, C.S. breathed his last.

Services will be at Whispering Pines Cemetery. C.S. was preceded in death by his wife, Discretion; one daughter, Responsibility; and one son, Reason. He is survived by two step-brothers, Half-Wit and Dim-Wit.

Memorial Contributions may be sent to the Institute for Rational Thought. Farewell, Common Sense. May you rest in peace.

© Lori Borgman | Sunday, March 15, 1998

Visit this writer at www.loriborgman.com

FORWARD:  When I come upon a quote that is particularly meaningful to me, I don’t  think it happened by accident.

I believe that when it appears in my universe, does so because I have decided that I need it, or something like it at that moment in my life.

For instance, when I feel I’m ready for a heady dose of expansion, like when I need to break out of some old habit or pattern of living, usually the first things that show up are things that I should have confronted and handled long ago; things that may have been inhibiting my ability to move out and expand to other areas.

These things tend to presenting themselves to be handled once I make the decision to expand.  Like cleaning out a closet that is long overdue in having order put in, it’s a mess when I first start.  Persistence and endurance will win the day however, and order will once again prevail.

So it is with most aspects of my life.  Once I decide that I am going to set upon a course for expansion of some type, the weakest link in the process inevitably and invariably shows up to command my attention until it’s taken care of.  I never shy away from this phenomena, instead, I welcome it.  It proves to me that I have ignored, neglected, or hidden from things that I should have faced head on, long ago.  Now I have the chance to address these issues and put them terminatedly behind me, exposing an exciting new future to move into!

So – because they appeared in my universe – the quotes to follow are some of my favorite ones, in no particular order.  I’ve also included some of my own, because they also fit the criteria I’ve set for inclusion.

I hope you find one or more that may hold some meaning for you as well.

- daniel w. jacobs

MY FAVORITE QUOTES

Man’s mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions. – Oliver Wendell Holmes

The price of freedom is never too great – when the cost of indifference is so dear. – daniel w. jacobs

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power. -Abraham Lincoln

Success is not the key to happiness.  Happiness is the key to success.  If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.  – Albert Schweitzer

We project ourselves on everyone else.  We see hate in others because we ourselves hate.  We see love in others because we ourselves love.  We see talent and potential in others because we believe those qualities are in ourselves.   When we see others as a hopeless case, it’s because we feel that way about ourselves. – Brian Austin Whitney

Nothing can truly harm you – unless you have decided priorly that such a thing is harmful. When you set up the idea that anything is too painful to experience, you also set it up so that you can be harmed by that thing. – daniel w. jacobs

A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately happy.  What a man can be, he must be. – Abraham Maslow

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. – Theodore Rooevelt

People have an insatiable demand and desire for surprise. – daniel w. jacobs

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. – Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Your power to expand is infinite – so is your ability to limit yourself. – daniel w. jacobs

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world.  The unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man. — George Bernard Shaw

It’s never too late to be who you really are . . . and who you have always been. – daniel w. jacobs

My creed for art in general is that it should enrich the soul; it should teach spirituality by showing a person a portion of himself that he would not discover otherwise . . . a part of yourself you never knew existed. – pianist Bill Evans

Your future unfolds with inexorable certainty but in minute increments.  Thereby, even a slight shift of viewpoint can precipitate enormous changes in your life.  Large changes do occur, but only when preceded by countless smaller ones.  We all carry with us the seeds of our future – planted and given life and sustenance by our continued attention on them. – daniel w. jacobs

The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak. – Hans Hoffman, abstract expressionist painter.

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. – Winston Churchill

Every time I’ve done something that doesn’t feel right, it’s ended up not being right. – Mario Cuomo

Criticism can often expose hidden harmful intent.  Sometimes it is only revealed by subtle signs embedded in the words or actions of the critic exposing the existence of something not apparent in the message.   Stay alert; listen with your eyes, see with your ears, trust your instincts and act or re-act accordingly. – daniel w. jacobs

Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities because it is the quality which guarantees all others. – Sir Winston Churchill

Wisdom begins by calling things by their right name.- Ancient Chinese proverb

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. – Leonardo Da Vinci

Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. – George Washington

The willing contribution, coordination and cooperation of the individuals in the group can lead to a strong and expanding entity.  Moreover, the relationship is symbiotic, as the group thus empowered becomes a greater source of strength and power for the individuals responsible for it’s continued creation.  – daniel w. jacobs

Our enemies of today are the forces of privilege and greed within our own borders. – Franklin Roosevelt

]]> http://metaya.wordpress.com/2009/06/11/my-favorite-quotes/feed/ 0 metaya http://metaya.wordpress.com/2009/06/02/on-love-an-essay/ http://metaya.wordpress.com/2009/06/02/on-love-an-essay/#comments Wed, 03 Jun 2009 02:54:53 +0000 daniel w. jacobs http://metaya.wordpress.com/?p=2030 ]]>

FORWARD: This essay – written in ink on a piece of old lined yellow paper – was folded up and slipped into the clear plastic holder for Polaroid photographs, where it has been since it was written.  I was pleasantly surprised to discover it was an essay from my hand in the spring of 1968.

I was struck at how much the writing sounds like me, even then. It was initially untitled, but I have now given it the name, “On Love – an essay.“

So, here it is, as it was written forty-one years ago, with only minor edits – and incidentally only a matter of months after I met the one who eventually became and still is, my lovely wife, Myrna. – daniel w. jacobs

ON LOVE – an essay

We all have an overwhelming desire to be needed – to be wanted – appreciated  –  admired, and to be loved.

In order to fulfill this desire we must first be willing to give love; next, we must be satisfied with ourselves such that we can accept love from another.

Love must be given freely – with reflection and deliberation – as it necessitates and forms obligations for which sacrifices must be made.

We can see that the love for oneself cannot be an inward, selfish kind that only takes, but must rather be a giving, outpouring, unselfish kind that recognizes and expresses the best that is in us.

When you discover love of your own being, don’t be afraid to reveal it.  For you have uncovered one of the basic principles of happiness – one of many that are needed to be really happy.

When you discover this love in another and she in you, then you have begun to uncover the true secrets of happiness.  You now have a chance to make it blossom and grow into all that you both wished for.

For it is this mutual warmth, affection, admiration, enthusiasm, respect, and love that form the foundation of true happiness – cherish it as you do yourself.

daniel w. jacobs
Written in the spring of 1968
© 1968-2020, all rights reserved