FOREWARD:
We all need help from time to time. And the willingness to receive help is possibly more important than the ability to give it.
On rare occasions I’m asked for advice on situations as severe as dealing with the person with addictive characteristics to be sure. And I have at times been called into service when there was simply no one else to turn to - perhaps because I am both willing and able to provide help.
This brief write-up is not intended as an exhaustive treatise, an authoritarian discourse, or a professorial thesis. Rather it is simply a recipe or guideline for any such individual treatment and should be considered for advice only.
DISCLAIMER:
Research into this affliction to discover of the underlying causes and developing effective treatment needs to be done. It’s easy to prescribe the latest pharmaceutical drug du jour being promoted. But treating symptoms only obscures the real problems.
I do I claim to be, and am not, a psychologist, psychoanalyst, psychiatrist, health professional or any other licensed therapist or specialist, as such tend to subscribe to the theory that man is an animal and develop and use animal “treatments” on sentient human beings - An opinion that I do not share. My advanced degree is from UCS – The University of Common Sense, as well as my native underlying willingness to help my fellow man.
These are my opinions drawn from personal experience of what has worked for me in dealing with such individuals. No further claims or guarantees are made as to whether or not my advice would be considered efficacious in any treatment.
Any benefit resulting from following my advice herein stated, is entirely due to your own native willingness and ability to help your fellow man. You alone deserve all the credit while I stand by and applaud your efforts with enthusiasm.
- d.w.jacobs
THE ADDICTIVE PERSONALITY
Persons afflicted with addictive personality tendencies are well aware that there is a dichotomy going on inside themselves, the “good vs. bad” so to speak. The destructive effects on self and others are easily observed, yet the state of dependence is so resistive to change that few are willing to roll up the sleeves and figure out what is going on.
Personally I don’t believe addiction is a symptom of a mental disorder or disease in and of itself. It is more likely evidence of the internal struggle to overcome what he knows is killing him - which he is apparently powerless to stop.
When the bad side rears it’s ugly head - which can be cruel, arrogant, numb, or insensate – and demands to be obeyed, it is apparent that the person is largely powerless to change it. He is out of control because there is no one in the drivers seat. The plane is on autopilot, following a path that is certain disaster. Something needs to be done, fast!
To me, any addiction, whether mental, emotional, physical, psychological or even spiritual can be grouped into the same general category of aberration, an obvious departure from what is considered normal or desirable.
It is simply the state being or becoming dependent upon some damaging “drug” whether chemical, mental, emotional, or physical, to the end of losing ones own power of choice and becoming unaware of the consequence of ones actions. Which in my mind bears a very close relationship to the general area of control, a concept that is not hard to apply in this circumstance.
The two types of control - good and bad - are defined as follows:
Good control – the ability to manage or direct something with reason. You feel comfortable around someone who can exhibit good control, you feel that they know what they’re doing and will get the desired result.
Bad control - the person is not in control, but is being controlled. They are the effect of something they feel is more powerful then they are. They tend to do destructive things to self and others without thought of consequence. Such people are not comfortable to be around.
Because the use of the word “control” has come to mean very strictly restrictive, demanding obedience to some authoritarian figure, which is strongly enforced, it’s gotten a bad rap.
I wish there were another word to substitute; perhaps the word “force” might apply, because bad control is really not control at all. It’s a lot more like forcing someone to obey and comply with demands without reason or agreement.
Since the topic of control is under discussion, lets look at it a bit closer. A dissection of the internal workings of control breaks down into three elements:
1. The ability to start something,
2. To change something,
3. Or to stop something.
If one of these three (start, change, stop) is missing, then good control is missing and bad control (or force) is in evidence.
As an aside, the “good vs. bad” dichotomy of the addictive personality mentioned earlier, could be considered a visible manifestation of “good control vs. bad control” now that we have a better grip on what we’re talking about.
Clearly if one is unable to start a path toward logic and sanity by becoming clean and sober, there is no chance whatsoever of changing a bad condition is there?
It’s also obvious that an individual cannot easily and summarily change an addictive habit even with competent help – if an addiction is already out of his or her control. They are hooked on a path of self-destruction and will harm anyone connected with them. They may say they need to change and even hope that they can, but it takes more than that.
Also, to focus only on the stop element and force the person to accept that they are wrong in continuing the addictive characteristics will have limited success. Everyone tells them they are wrong; even they will tell you they are wrong. But they are often only saying what they know you want to hear with no sense of personal responsibility.
Frankly, you would be more likely to get their attention and interested involvement by asking them to write an essay on what is “right” about doing drugs or whatever addiction is under discussion. No one has ever asked them that question before.
In doing so, you get them to come off the compulsion of “must be right – can’t be wrong” so that they can logically take a look at the addictive characteristic and make up their own minds about it.
Let them be right enough to admit that they’re wrong.
And this is what you’re working for – to get them back in the driver’s seat of their own habits, thoughts, lives and get them back in control . . . good control.
But even labeling something as right or wrong behavior does little or nothing to open the door to any solution. If we knew exactly what the primary controlling factor was that monitored his thoughts, his emotions and physical elements, then we might be able to do something to help him, regardless of the label assigned.
It has been said that attention is the primary element in controlling his thoughts, emotions and body; I am inclined to agree.
So, although this is a hypothetical series of steps, there may be some benefit from the following analysis.
• A stimulus from whatever source triggers an automatic response of some kind in the person.
• The person is, by definition, no longer completely in present time and is not in control of his actions.
• Their “attention” at that instant slips from being under their control to some degree.
• Attempts at substituting some new stimulus/response mechanism (like behavior modification etc.) to counter the symptoms of the initial one and bring attention back under control only add complexity to the problem and offer no long-term solution.
• But what causes “attention” to go into “action,” or the body into motion? Shouldn’t one be able to simply change their mind and stop the downward spiral at this point?
• Yes, they should be able to simply change their minds and have the situation resolve. But, at this point, they have fallen below the point of controlling any logical mental thought processes. In fact, they are very much effect by them and very little at cause over them. They don’t, at this point, possess enough “horsepower” to bring about the necessary change.
• The situation begins to deteriorate rapidly after this point and accelerates into a single, fixated, all-consuming purpose, dominating the individual, commanding their thoughts, emotions and actions and effectively supplanting the individual himself. “He” is not really there anymore as “he” can’t trust himself to be in charge of anything.
• Thoughts are dominated by an obsession to score drugs, the control factor of logic and goes out even further as the irrational demand increases.
• A plan begins to formulate and the emotional anticipation of accomplishing this goal effectively cements the emotions in place to accomplish it. The bridge between “attention” and “action” is now firmly in place.
• This “bridge” between thought and action is emotion, both how he feels without the drug and how the drug makes him feel when he does have it.
At this point, options become limited severely. The attention, thoughts and emotions, no matter how irrational, now dictate the actions that the body will robotically follows. The screaming sirens and flashing red lights are now on in full force - though neglected and ignored . . . and a recipe for disaster is well in motion!
The person has had to actively and intentionally ignore four major danger signals;
a. attention is not under control;
b. thoughts are fixated on one single dominating purpose;
c. emotions are now running the show
d. actions are now dictated without reason, logic or awareness of consequence.
• Once the emotions kick in hard, there is nothing that will stop him from accomplishing his purpose of getting drugs.
• The person is now being controlled by the physical, mental and emotional addiction as they will stop at nothing to satisfy this insatiable appetite.
• Logical consequence of one’s actions has no significance. Words have no meaning and they will do or say anything to find and use more drugs.
• It should be apparent that the control factor went out long before the “body” demanded satisfaction from using drugs and went into action to accomplish this.
• The person gave up control much earlier. When it reaches a point of the emotions and the body only running the show, disaster is not far behind.
• Survival at this point is dependent upon his patterns (like the boxer out on his feet yet still vainly fighting) or the good will of others stepping up to lend a hand.
• In one steep and spectacular nosedive the person goes from rational, sane, responsible to irrational, insane and irresponsible.
Their survival depends in no small part upon the sympathy and willingness of others to help and without them, the future becomes pretty grim.
The solution to any problem posed by the outline of the addictive personality as above is simple to state but hard to accomplish.
The reason for this is that you have a person who is basically trying to succumb while you are trying to help them survive. They are trying to remove themselves from others because they feel that they are hurting people that shouldn’t be harmed. Drugs, violence, abuse, and other actions or inactions occur because they have lost their ability to trust themselves. When they can no longer trust themselves, they lose their conscience and thus also lose any ethical compass with which to determine right from wrong. All they know is that they want the drug and will do anything to satisfy the desire. Further, getting the person addicted to another drug as a “solution” only extends and intensifies the problem.
Therefore, any overly simplistic solution of the problem of the addictive personality will not be proven effective. What is required is a full overhaul not a minor tune-up. Some of the factors necessary are as follows:
1. Isolate them from people with mutual agreement on using drugs.
2. Get them on a regimen of good food, sufficient regular rest and exercise.
3. Place them on a regular routine of Vitamins (B1, B complex, C, E, and Calcium/magnesium)
4. Take no savage actions with the person.
5. Very light communication about things that they are willing to talk about is best.
6. Never force them, as they are basically overwhelmed anyway at this point.
7. Gradually get them up to a point where they have recovered physically, their attention is somewhat under their control and they are more aware of their present time surroundings.
8. Get them active doing a job of some kind, preferably one that involves actual physical activity.
9. Over a period of time, they will begin to come out of it, though the habits are still in place.
10. Now, you can begin a process of examination of some of the habits that have led them into this dangerous lifestyle. Let them tell you what is right about their brand of addiction. Sometimes they’ll come off it enough to get a foothold on the ladder upward at that point. It has happened.
This is just a start. And in my experience that it takes a minimum of three years of help and monitoring of a persons life to create new habits, new friends, new relationships without the addictive personality characteristics showing up again.
The following three “p’s” might help should you begin to feel faint of heart or your resolve waning:
• Purpose
• Persistence
• Patience
Maybe this will help.
d. w. jacobs
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